Lord of the DumpRing (tm)
A few of us "visionaries" from my college days once came up with this great invention. Actually, it was the theory of an invention, not the invention itself. As far as I know, the technology does not yet exist to make it feesible. Clearly, this kind of forward-thinking puts us in the realm of Da Vinci and Walt Disney's doctor.
It's called the DumpRing (tm). The (tm) is a trademark symbol, by the way, and is not shorthand for "Time!" as you were probably thinking. Although, It's DumpRing Time! will definitely be the premise of the first infomercial...once NASA creates the breakthrough technology to satiate world-wide demand for the mere idea of the DumpRing (tm). So, what the heck is this crazy invention of yours, you're probably wondering. Well, hold on to your ergonomic desk chair, for I am about to reveal its premise.
The DumpRing (tm) is simple device that comes in two parts. Part A is a small ring that fits in your anus. Part B is an identically sized device that can be placed wherever. The idea is that you can dump whenever and wherever--just stick Part B somewhere your dump is welcome (read on to see DumpRing (tm) applications where it is "not welcome"). Get the urge while you're boning your lady...no worries, dump away! Long car ride with no rest area in site...just let it go, man! Perhaps the best use for the DumpRing (tm) is for gags, as some might call them. Stick Part B in your boss's coffee cup and someone's gonna be having a steaming cup of Kona dump. The possibilities are truly endless. Of course, patented "one-way" technology makes it impossible for someone to send a dump backwards into your ass...because, honestly...who wants that to happen?
Many have asked, "Hey man...if this transporter technology is available, couldn't you put it to a lot better use, like transporting people around the galaxy at the speed of light, or supplying food to starving African refugees in mere seconds?" To which I then answer, "But c'mon...it's the DumpRing (tm)" And then they say, "Totally! What was I thinking?!" Then we high-five and jump into the air while using our bodies to form different letters of the alphabet.
There you have it...the DumpRing (tm). "Go, dump-set, go!!!"
It's called the DumpRing (tm). The (tm) is a trademark symbol, by the way, and is not shorthand for "Time!" as you were probably thinking. Although, It's DumpRing Time! will definitely be the premise of the first infomercial...once NASA creates the breakthrough technology to satiate world-wide demand for the mere idea of the DumpRing (tm). So, what the heck is this crazy invention of yours, you're probably wondering. Well, hold on to your ergonomic desk chair, for I am about to reveal its premise.
The DumpRing (tm) is simple device that comes in two parts. Part A is a small ring that fits in your anus. Part B is an identically sized device that can be placed wherever. The idea is that you can dump whenever and wherever--just stick Part B somewhere your dump is welcome (read on to see DumpRing (tm) applications where it is "not welcome"). Get the urge while you're boning your lady...no worries, dump away! Long car ride with no rest area in site...just let it go, man! Perhaps the best use for the DumpRing (tm) is for gags, as some might call them. Stick Part B in your boss's coffee cup and someone's gonna be having a steaming cup of Kona dump. The possibilities are truly endless. Of course, patented "one-way" technology makes it impossible for someone to send a dump backwards into your ass...because, honestly...who wants that to happen?
Many have asked, "Hey man...if this transporter technology is available, couldn't you put it to a lot better use, like transporting people around the galaxy at the speed of light, or supplying food to starving African refugees in mere seconds?" To which I then answer, "But c'mon...it's the DumpRing (tm)" And then they say, "Totally! What was I thinking?!" Then we high-five and jump into the air while using our bodies to form different letters of the alphabet.
There you have it...the DumpRing (tm). "Go, dump-set, go!!!"
4 Comments:
Just for future reference, OPTION + 2 = ™
thank you, kind sir. you are truly a satan among monkeys.
That reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer gets the teleporter and tries to take a whiz into it, while the other faces the toilet.
- Z
so that's how you use the "seashells" from the movie demolition man.
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