Math is Depressing
Abraham Lincoln would often speak of what he called "Deadly Arithmetic." That had to do with the North having more soldiers than the South, so the Union could basically continue to get their asses kicked in casualties, but still win the war. (Ironically, West Virginians now use the same term to refer to the actual subject of math...which, as we all know, was invented by the devil.) Well, I believe I have made an equally significant and gruesome, math-related discovery. It is called "The K-Y Theorem of Blog Proportions." It goes something like this:
The frequency of posting to one's blog is directly proportional to frequency of sexual intercourse in a long-term relationship.
Think about it. You sign up and are all excited about your new blog. It's a little awkward at first because you're not quite sure how to do hyperlinks. Your first image posting is too big and won't fit in the alotted space. Even though you're nervous, you want to post as many times as you can. After a few more times, you're really getting the hang of this new blog thing. In fact, your postings are becoming pretty routine and you're really getting some good blog action in on the weekends.
After awhile, though, you'll miss a day here and there. No big deal, you know--you've just been busy at work or there was a really good episode of Law & Order on TNT. Then you go on an out-of-town business trip and aren't able to post for a week. Surely when you get back, you should have a lot to write...I mean, that's what you'd expect after being away for 8 days.
You post right when you get back. It's okay at first, but you notice it's kind of short and not nearly as funny as your first few times. "I gotta do it for the fans," you think. You try to keep the facade up as you write about casual workplace observations that sounds amazingly similar to Seinfeld plot lines. Before you know it, you're only posting on every-other Saturday night.
Pretty soon, you start thinking about other people's blogs while you're in the shower (sometimes, even in the bathroom at work). In a last ditch effort to resurect your blog, you give it oral, but then it just rolls over and says "Thanks."
That's it, that's the last straw. You pull up the Setting Menu and hover the cursor over "Delete This Blog." But you can't pull the trigger. You just can't. There are too many postings to look back on, too much history to lose. Remember that time you got drunk and made a post about your boss's speech impediment? Man, that was a good one. Your buddy Chuck in Receivables said that when he read it, he laughed so hard he cried. You can't delete those kind of good times. And after you worked so hard to make that template just like you wanted, how are you ever going to find the time to make another one that looks so good? You don't even remember how you figured out the HTML to get it that way, you dumbass. Face it, you're past your prime. It's Blogger Magazine and cold showers from now on.
Yeah. Math is depressing.
The frequency of posting to one's blog is directly proportional to frequency of sexual intercourse in a long-term relationship.
Think about it. You sign up and are all excited about your new blog. It's a little awkward at first because you're not quite sure how to do hyperlinks. Your first image posting is too big and won't fit in the alotted space. Even though you're nervous, you want to post as many times as you can. After a few more times, you're really getting the hang of this new blog thing. In fact, your postings are becoming pretty routine and you're really getting some good blog action in on the weekends.
After awhile, though, you'll miss a day here and there. No big deal, you know--you've just been busy at work or there was a really good episode of Law & Order on TNT. Then you go on an out-of-town business trip and aren't able to post for a week. Surely when you get back, you should have a lot to write...I mean, that's what you'd expect after being away for 8 days.
You post right when you get back. It's okay at first, but you notice it's kind of short and not nearly as funny as your first few times. "I gotta do it for the fans," you think. You try to keep the facade up as you write about casual workplace observations that sounds amazingly similar to Seinfeld plot lines. Before you know it, you're only posting on every-other Saturday night.
Pretty soon, you start thinking about other people's blogs while you're in the shower (sometimes, even in the bathroom at work). In a last ditch effort to resurect your blog, you give it oral, but then it just rolls over and says "Thanks."
That's it, that's the last straw. You pull up the Setting Menu and hover the cursor over "Delete This Blog." But you can't pull the trigger. You just can't. There are too many postings to look back on, too much history to lose. Remember that time you got drunk and made a post about your boss's speech impediment? Man, that was a good one. Your buddy Chuck in Receivables said that when he read it, he laughed so hard he cried. You can't delete those kind of good times. And after you worked so hard to make that template just like you wanted, how are you ever going to find the time to make another one that looks so good? You don't even remember how you figured out the HTML to get it that way, you dumbass. Face it, you're past your prime. It's Blogger Magazine and cold showers from now on.
Yeah. Math is depressing.
2 Comments:
Thanx yaleboy. I just jerked out four posts today. You inspired me to step up to the plate. Step up to the challenge to bring back the passion in my blog.
Shouldn't that be invserly proportionate?
- Z
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